Last year (2009) is when I graduated from university with a B.Sc. Ever since I can remember, my aspirations were to become a research scientist. For many, becoming a scientist means going to graduate school and then go on to get a Ph.D. and then post doctorate. If anything people know about graduate school is that good marks are a must and that is something I do not have. My goal during university was to gain as much experience in science knowledge as I can, even if that meant sacrificing my marks (ie: I hardly took any "bird courses"). Although my marks are low, I am still determined to pursue this career path. Even if it means going through a different road, its what I am passionate about. This doesn't mean Im a happy go lucky type of person. If anything, you could call me the unluckiest person because nothing ever seems to go my way when it needs to. Sure I have some research experience in the past, but by pursuing this path, I have to mention my disability (paralysis), justify my low marks, and I have to mention about health problems (seizures). Pondering about how all of this is going to come together and whether if its going to work out is a nightmare. While everyone else is working and earning income and going along their career paths, Im here volunteering in a research lab presently, trying to gain experience. When your 24 without an income and it feels like an eternity away from earning income, its a bit embarrassing. Friends I would like to meet up with regularly to catch up, buying personal enjoyment gifts, and the like, which require $$, its tough to sink the joy of all that in and try to "think positively and look forward". When chances are slim that grad school is possible (since its a competitive stream), its a depressing place to be in emotionally, taking into account the big picture. Presently all I have going for me is my research experience, my references, and my motivation and determination.
Posted by Pochacco Star Sunday, January 3, 2010
Hopefully something will come together soon because I hate being stuck in this pit of not being able to enjoy life such as going out for dinner with friends and etc.
Although in the end, maybe I should take it a bit easier on myself since I do have these external things in my life that I cant control. Its not like brain damage is going to fix itself miraculously when I wake up tomorrow, or being able to have full usage of my body, or be 100% free from seizures and etc.
Nevertheless, I should be really thankful for where I am. There are people out there that want to go to university but just cant because of financial situations, and there are people worse off than me mentally and physically, or people who cant even get a roof over there head. Although, life shoudn't be about comparing oneself to others, but if anything this holiday season has taught me, its to be patient, quiet, and in the end, shut up and realize the gift of life, whatever way it comes in.